American Airlines To Begin Charging Special Fees to Non-Passengers

American Airlines, working hard to return to profitability after years of being buffeted by high fuel costs, has announced a series of special fees on past customers as well as names chosen randomly from phone books, including a $30 surcharge on folks who have decided to stay at home during the upcoming holiday season.

Naw, just kidding.

That's just one part of the best phony news story I've seen in The Onion in a while. 

In a terrific send-up of the onslaught of fees most airlines are charging these days, the satirical newspaper quotes the president of American Airlines, Gerard Arpey as saying, "Unfortunately tough times mean tough measures."

That means charging every non-passenger with a suitcase in their closet $15 and a random charge of $40 of every person in the US whose first name is Greg.  And that's just the beginning. Read it and weep--or laugh out loud--here.