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United AirlinesTakes It In the Chin; Musician Gets Revenge

In the spring of 2008, a musical group called Sons of Maxwell from Nova Scotia was traveling to a gig in Nebraska from O'Hare aboard United Airlines.  When the flight landed, band member Dave Carroll found his guitar had been damaged by luggage handlers.  He spent months trying to convince United to pay him for the $1,200 repair bill, but United argued its contract of carriage doesn't pay for damage to "valuables."  And the airline decreed Carroll's guitar was a "valuable."

In frustration, Carroll and fellow group members--along with actors playing cranky United employees and luggage handlers tossing guitars through the air--put a hilarious song called "United Breaks Guitars" on YouTube.  In the three days it's been posted, the video--below this post--has gone viral, attracting 1.5 million views.  His appearance on national morning television shows today spread word of his frustration and dissatisfaction even further.

It's a PR nightmare for United, who I understand is going to try to make lemonade out of lemons by using the video in the training of baggage handlers. But for the life of me, I can't understand how an airline already in as much trouble as United is--image wise--can play such hardball with a musician who obviously is owed at least some money for the breakage of his guitar.  Score a big fat win for the musicians and a big, black eye for United Airlines.

Drunk Pilot On Moscow-NYC Flight Relinquishes Control After Passengers Protest; 'It's Not Such a Big Deal,' Says Airline Rep

It took a Moscow socialite and television host and a statement signed by 100 passengers to get an apparently drunk pilot thrown off an Aeroflot Boeing 767 flight set to fly from Moscow to New York City on Dec. 28th, according to the Moscow Times.

The bizarre incident began when the pilot, switching clumsily between Russian and English, attempted to deliver pre-flight announcements on the plane's public address system.  His slurred words and apparent inability to speak clearly in either language alarmed passengers who demanded to see the pilot.  Flight attendants tried to hush passengers by threatening to throw them off the plane. Not until television host Ksenia Sobchak started working her cell phone did the crew begin to relent.

A co-pilot came out and assured passengers that all was well and that he, in fact, would be flying the plane. Passengers were still not satisfied, and after a half hour of protests, the pilot in question made a personal appearance.  He was reportedly struggling to stand erect and promised he'd "sit quietly in the corner" and let his three colleagues pilot the aircraft. About 100 passengers signed a statement on the spot asserting the captain was incapacitated.

Finally, the entire crew was hustled off the plane and a new crew took over.  Aeroflot, in stereotypical Russian fashion, belittled the passengers as suffering from "mass psychosis" and threatened to sue the television host for delaying the flight; apparently her high profile caused the airline to eventually replace the flight crew.  An airline representative floated the theory that the captain might have been suffering a stroke.  (In fact, he's reportedly being treated for an unspecified medical condition, and it's not certain whether he'll return to work or not.)

My favorite line came from an Aeroflot employee who reportedly said, "It's not such a big deal if the pilot is drunk . . . really all he has to do is press a button and the plane flies itself.  The worst that could happen is that he trips over something in the cockpit." 

Hey--tell that to the passengers on the US Airways flight captained by Sully!

I'll Sleep Better Tonight If I Share With You My Gripes Du Jour

I don't mean to come off as cranky, but I'm really tired and about to go to bed, and I feel very sure if I get these two small gripes off my chest I'll sleep better. 

I don't expect you to do anything about this stuff, but on the off chance a blog reader is related to Mr. Big at some packaging firm, here are two of my most pet peeves:

• Why the heck can't hotel amenities, that usually come in little plastic bottles, have LARGE PRINT on the front?  So guys who wear reading glasses (as I do) can actually tell the difference between SHAMPOO and BATH GEL and CONDITIONER when we reach for them in the shower?
• And along the same lines, why can't manufacturers of the myriad plastic bottles and other containers that overwhelm our lives manage to stamp the re-cycling code (that little, tiny number in that little, tiny triangle on the underside of containers) in a BIGGER SIZE?  I'm constantly holding the plastic containers that my blueberries and raspberries come in up to the light in the hope of making out the environmentally friendly "1."  But it's almost always difficult to tell the difference between a "1" and a "3" and a "5."  I mean, there's nothing on the bottom of most bottles and containers.  Which means there's plenty of room for a BIG NUMBER!
• I only promised two gripes, but this one isn't exactly a whine.  It's a suggestion.  I read a dozen articles a week telling me how to live a more "green" life.  I do my best, which is why I want  those re-cycling codes bigger.  But in all the articles about what we can do in our everyday lives to save resources, I've never seen anything that suggests we take metal hangers back to our dry cleaners rather than tossing them in the trash.  You don't need me to tell you why that's a smart idea.  But pass the word, won't you?

There, I can go to sleep now.

French Flight Attendant Strips in Cockpit For Captain AND Video

It makes you wonder, in these days of rampant video posting on the web, what the crew members of an unspecified French airline flying a short hop to London were thinking when they videotaped a well-endowed flight attendant stripping in the cockpit in flight. And then there's the safety consideration--a little office hanky panky may be harmless, but a cockpit crew is supposed to be watching the skies and the controls, not each other.

In the video, a 20-something flight attendant (wearing a wedding ring) disrobes for the pilot, who helpfully assists, while another flight attendant watches and giggles as someone--presumably the co-pilot--films the sequence.  The video was posted on the web this week.  Then the London Sun gave the story a big boost by writing about the frisky "trolley dolly" and the "amorous airman" and posting the video on its web site along with a plea for anyone who knows the identity of the cockpit crew to call the newspaper.

Given the British tabloids' habit of paying for tips, I have a hunch it's only a matter of hours until someone turns in the stars of this homemade video for a fat check.   And only a matter of time before the crew begins collecting unemployment benefits.

Yikes! Don't Touch That Hotel Room Glass; Hidden Camera Proof

I've written before about the presence of yucky, germy items in some hotel rooms.  Major offenders include television remote controls, telephones, and the biggest one of all, ice buckets.  (When someone suddenly gets sick enough to vomit, guess what they reach for first?)  A Florida television station brings home the dangers of sloppy housekeeping as it applies to glasses in hotel bathrooms with the aid of hidden cameras. 

While local, Cobb County health authorities had plenty to say when they saw the footage, the hotels either wouldn't comment or were less than candid. Check it out yourself.  Does "flesh-eating disease" mean anything to you?  The moral: Touch that hotel glass at your own peril.

Why Heathrow Is Considered Poster Child For Hassled Fliers

If you are flying to and from Europe this summer, try to avoid London's Heathrow airport.  Not because of fears of terrorism but because of strict carry-on luggage rules and long security lines.

Even if you're just changing planes at Heathrow, you'll have to go through a security line.  And in addition to long lines (check out this amusing video made in June for dramatic proof), but alone in the world, British security officials limit passengers to one carry-on bag.  And I mean ONE.  That means if you have a purse or computer case as well as a carry-on bag, you better be able to consolodate everything into a single bag. 

Maybe when the new Terminal Five opens next spring, things will improve at Heathrow.  And much as I love the shopping in the terminals and perks such as Virgin Atlantic's very cool business class ("Upper Class," in Virgin-speak) lounge in Terminal 3 (as above), the lines and hassles make it worth going an extra mile or 200 to avoid the airport right now. 

Super-sized Advertising to Airline Passengers: Strippers & Farmers

OK, I can accept advertisements on my cocktail napkins when I fly on some airlines, but one United Kingdom ad agency has gone too far, carving out giant ads for an adult-oriented website in fields adjacent to the landing paths at Gatwick, Manchester, and Stansted airports.  Well, maybe using crops as a palette for advertising is pretty clever, but surely an ad agency as creative as Flight Path Media can find a more tasteful client than a company that provides videos of strippers for downloading onto cell phones.  I consider myself a liberal guy, but, please--there are kids on those planes.

See That Ice Bucket In Your Hotel Room? Don't Go Near It!

This "Thumbs Down" is directed at the ubiquitous hotel room ice bucket.  Now, it's not the ice bucket's fault I've chosen to ding it today.  It's just that there's something I can't get out of my mind whenever I see one.  And once I tell you this, I promise you won't be able to get it out of your mind, either.

Last September, I was hired to give a speech at an annual conference on tourism safety and security in Las Vegas.  I stuck around to listen to other speakers, including the man who is in charge of overseeing issues of health and cleanliness for the vast empire of Harrah's hotel and resort properties.  I found his presentation fascinating.  You may know that every few years or so, a television investigative reporter goes snooping around hotel rooms with a black light that often reveals all manner of germs and filth on seemingly clean hotel room phones, bedspreads, and bathrooms.  Frankly, if we all carried black lights with us when we travel, we'd probably sleep standing up in most hotel rooms.  (But since we've all survived hundreds of such rooms, I say, get over it.  Or, better yet, carry disinfectant pads and wipe down the telephones and toilet seats when you check in if you're a true germaphobe.) 

He offered such tips as how to check for evidence of bedbugs (look behind the headboard of the hotel bed), but it was the ice bucket that came in for the hardest drubbing.  The Harrah's exec pointed out that when someone throws up in a hotel room, it's often the ice bucket that they reach for.  They may rinse it out afterwards, but it was his suggestion you not use an ice bucket in a motel or hotel--unless you happen to travel with your own dishwashing liquid and clean it out thoroughly with very hot water before walking down the hallway to find the ice machine.

I've never looked at a hotel room ice bucket in quite the same way since.  And neither should you.

United Slashes Time For Frequent Flyers To Use Miles To 18 Months

"By shortening the amount of time a Mileage Plus account can remain inactive," reads the press communique I just received from United Airlines, "United's most loyal customers will compete with fewer people for award seats, making it easier for them to redeem their miles."

And, said senior VP Dennis Cary, the change "brings our program in line with major competitors."

Well, not necessarily. 

American Airlines doesn't take anyone's miles away until an account has been inactive for 36 months.   Delta doesn't take any action unless an account has remained dormant for 24 months.

Now, I'll be the first to admit it's not difficult to keep an account "active."  After all, you don't have to fly on an airline to keep your miles current.  You can start that 18-month clock ticking all over again if you do just about anything related to your United account, including using miles to acquire merchandise or designating your United Mileage Plus account the recipient of miles when you patronize any partner vendor, such as a hotel chain or rental car company.  In short, any activity that budges your miles up or down counts toward proving your account isn't "inactive."

But there may be some passengers who have accumulated lots of United miles but because of circumstances, haven't had occassion to fly the airline recently.  When I lived in Washington, DC, I flew United often; since I've moved to Saint Paul, where Northwest dominates the local market, I rarely have reason to fly United.  Yet I have almost 500,000 miles on United.  This new 18-month rule behooves me to pay attention and make sure I generate some kind of activity in my account lest I begin to lose those half-a-million miles I've piled up.  I know, I know--I should be using those miles before they get devalued when United raises award levels.  I will, just as soon as I find the time to make an optional trip using United.  Presuming, of course, United has an award seat available when I want to fly. 

You Be the Judge: Should Muslim Cab Drivers Be Allowed To Say 'No' To Fares Carrying Alcohol In Their Luggage? I Do a Bill O'Reilly Rant

Whenever I fly into the world's eighth busiest airport--that would be the Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport--I have an eight out of ten chance of encountering a taxi with a Muslim driver behind the wheel. 

Which is fine with me.

While St. Paul became my home three years ago, I used to live in Washington, DC, and New York City for decades, and one of the fun parts of both those cities is the ethnic and religious mix of drivers; I loved getting to know the entire United Colors of Benneton array of cabbies. 

But a few months ago, a group of Muslim airport cabbies that serve MSP decided they needed to follow the dictates of the Koran and refuse to transport anyone carrying any kind of alcohol.  So if you deplaned carrying a cardboard box with a couple of bottles of wine you picked up while in the Napa Valley, or if you bought a bottle of liquor as a hostess present in the airport, well, you best not let your cab driver see it.

This was not exactly new behavior.  A Twin Cities friend of mine, a National Geographic contributor named Dan Buettner, said that five or six years ago, he took a cab with his kids and then wife from the airport on a cold and snowy day.  A mile or so later, the driver figured out there was a bottle of alcohol in the cab, and he pulled over to the side of the road and demanded the Buettner family exit.  Dan told him that simply wasn't happening, and finally the driver relented and delivered them to their destination.  He refused to accept payment.

About a year ago, about 77 passengers a month were refused service at MSP airport because they were carrying alcohol, according to Patrick Hogan, an airport spokesman.  Oh, and a half-dozen or so people that year were refused service because Muslim drivers refused to transport animals, including service animals such as seeing-eye dogs.

The issue stayed under the rader until last fall, when someone came up with the idea of putting lights on all cabs that would not accept anyone accompanied by alcohol or an animal.  But the cabbies protested, fearing it would cost them fares.  In October, I delivered a "Savvy Traveler" commentary on public radio's evening business show, "Marketplace," that sounded more like it came from Fox News than public radio.

I pointed out that only certain taxis from the Twin Cities that are licensed by the airport are allowed to pick up airport passengers.  Therefore the companies or individuals that controlled those licenses had a government-protected monopoly.  And I argued that if you're going to work for such a company whose job it is to serve the public, you should abide by local laws and regulations, none of which permit a taxi to refuse a passenger who happens to be carrying unopened alcohol or an animal.

Minnesota's neighboring state of South Dakota has for all intents and purposes outlawed abortions. Which has driven some women to come to Minnesota to seek them.  Should a taxi driver who doesn't believe women should be allowed to have an abortion have the right not to transport a woman to a clinic if he happens to recognize the address?  What if a driver--Muslim or not--doesn't like Goths?  Or the political message on someone's t-shirt? 

The questions can be endlesss.  Should a Muslim pilot not fly a plane on which alcohol is offered?  (I know national airlines from Muslim countries often don't serve alchohol.  Fine.  But I have a hunch there are Muslim pilots flying US planes, as well.)

Last week, MSP airport officials finally screwed up their courage and suggested that drivers who refuse to accept passengers for no legal reason should have their licenses suspended.  The first offense would cost them their licenses for 30 days; a second one would result in a two-year suspension.  Hearings will follow, and the airport hopes to have the new rules in effect by May 11, when drivers must decide whether to renew their aiport licenses for another year.

I say, "Bravo." 

We don't land in Muslim countries and demand that everyone abide by our laws by, say, bringing a bottle of wine to a restaurant in downtown Jeddah.  I don't expect to be held to the standards of the Koran when I enter a government-licensed taxi in the US. 

I'm glad the airport bosses decided that instead of trying to bend over backwards to be politically correct, they realized that taxis are at the airport to transport passengers.  Now I just have to change the mind of the Minneapolis transit official who relented when one of his bus drivers announced he wouldn't drive a city bus with an ad for a gay magazine on the side of it.  Puh-leeeze. 

Am I verging too closely to Bill O'Reilly here?  Do let me know your opinion.

   

Airport Security? Here's a Loophole Big Enough To Drive a Litre of Evian Through

You'd think with the arrest of folks, mostly in London, on suspicion of planning a massive plot to blow up ten passenger jets in the sky, that airport security would be rather button-down, at least for a few weeks.

And, of course, major, new security rules for passengers involving gels and liquids were instituted immediately in the U.S.  So imagine my surprise when I flew out of a couple of airports last week and this week (Minneapolis-St. Paul and Las Vegas) and I found that as far as bringing gels and liquids on board planes, the line of defense stopped at the security check point.

At my gate at MSP airport, the gate agent read a paragraph over the public address system reminding us no gels or liquids were permitted in our carry-on luggage.  But there was no screening process to ascertain we were abiding by those rules.  And any of us could have bought any manner of liquids or gels in dozens of airport shops.  Or, worse yet, an evil-doer could have collected dangerous liquids from a confederate inside the airport. 

"Excuse me," I said to the gate agent, "but how do you know I don't have any of the prohibited stuff in my carry-on bag?"

"We don't," she admitted.  And then she paused and said, "It's sort of an honor system."

"So the bad guys are on the honor system, too?"

She laughed and said, "I guess so."

But then, perhaps fearing I wasn't taking things seriously enough, she added, "Well, there might be random TSA agents walking around various gates checking bags."

Not that I could see.

It's no secret that, for all intents and purposes, airlines don't screen cargo going into the belly of commercial jet planes.  (We rely on a "trusted shipper" list--sort of an honor system for cargo shippers.) Airport employees are sometimes badly screened.  And television crews and government agents too often succeed in slipping such things as guns and weapons past security check points.

But why this fiction that Uncle Sam (or anyone else) is making sure no liquids or gels are getting into passenger compartments?  I know there simply aren't enough security or airline personnel to do a second check of hand luggage at gates.  But let's drop the rule and figure out a way to make sure whatever can be purchased in an an airport on the "secure" side of the screening process is, indeed, secure.

If You Rent From Budget, Plan to Drive!

Now, here's a new one: A penalty from a rental car company if you drive fewer than 75 miles in the course of renting a car.  Budget Rent A Car announced it will bill you $9.50 for only driving a few miles in order to offset the cost of gas.  The theory is, if someone drives fewer than 75 miles, the gas guage may still read "full" when the car is returned.  But it'll still need topping off.

I think this is pretty cheesy.  My suggestion: Require drivers to show a receipt reflecting the purchase of a couple of gallons of gas if they've put just a few miles on a rental car.  I mean, $9.50 is the equivalent of nearly four gallons of gas.  I've rented a car and only driven it 20 or 30 miles.  In which case, I'm getting ripped off.

The Good, the Bad, and . . .

GOOD: The European Union and US agree to re-open negotiations on "open skies" treaty. For more than 10 years, the European Union and the US have tried to negotiate an "open skies" treaty that would allow American and European airlines to fly without restrictions in each other's backyards.  In other words, an Air France flight could take you from Chicago to, say, Dallas. And an American Airlines flight could pick up passengers in London and drop them off in another European city.  That's good for consumers.  But access to Heathrow has always been the deal breaker.  Only four airlines can fly from Heathrow to the US: British Airways, Virgin Atlantic, American Airlines and United Airlines.  Heathrow is Europe's largest gateway for trans-Atlantic flights, and other airlines have tried for years to obtain slots that would allow them to fly in and out of the airport.  New negotiations would presumably open the door a crack to that possibility.  In fact, these talks will probably end in failure if there's no deal on opening Heathrow.  If the talks DO produce results, look for possible mergers between airlines.  Earlier this week, British Airways and American have reportedly begun exploring a closer relationship.  They are already alliance members in the OneWorld scheme, but they apparently want to do even more cross marketing. 

BAD: Delta brings back Saturday-night stayover requirements.  When Delta announced its simplified fare structure last year, it eliminated those annoying Saturday-night stayover requirements on even its cheapest tickets.  Now, in Chapter 11 and trying to figure out how to keep flying, Delta brings back not only that detail but also the three-day minimum stay requirement on some tickets.  A big thumbs down to Delta, who must do battle against AirTran, JetBlue, and (as long as it's still in business) Independence Air.  Those low-fare airlines don't have the Saturday-night and three-day rules.

GOOD: Continental creates first gift registry for airline tickets.  So you're getting married and would really like to honeymoon on the beaches of Thailand.  But that's an expensive ticket.  Sure, you can register on hundreds of web sites that allow well-wishers to buy you salt shakers, wine glasses, and blenders.  Now Continental has come up with a way that you can post your travel wishes on line, as well, so friends and family can chip in to turn your travel dreams into realities.  And why not?  You don't have to be betrothed to take advantage of this, of course.  Anyone can register and hope for the best.

Northwest Cuts Mags & Pretzels

Northwest Airline's decision to eliminate free magazines (except its own) as well as free pretzels is a sure sign of how close to the bone money-losing US airlines are trying to cut.  The magazine decision, according to the airline, will save Northwest $565,000 in the coming year.  Reminds me of the time former American Airlines president Robert Crandall eliminated the olive on top of first class salads to save money.

Having said that, I am sympathetic to the plight of Northwest, whose labor costs are higher than the competition and who can't seem to raise fares high enough to turn a profit.  Now, I bring my own reading material aloft, and I don't like pretzels.  But if you're only going to have one magazine aboard your planes, make it a good one. 

Northwest until recently had the worst magazine of any major airline; its decision to ask the city magazine in its corporate hometown, Minneapolis-St. Paul, to overhaul the magazine was a good one.  But the airline's management has to let the editors do their work.  Insistence on formulaic cover stories about people or places only related to Northwest destinations is a dumb idea.  Let the airline be the airline and let a magazine be a magazine. The layout is better, the writing is better.  But the subject matter could certainly be more interesting.

Southwest Quietly Ends Bonus For On-Line Booking

With no fanfare, Southwest Airlines disappointed its most frequent flyers by quietly ending the bonus it's extended the last eight years when passengers book on line.  With about 60 per cent of Southwest's reservations coming from its web site, the airline apparently feels it no longer has to offer a carrot to passengers.  What does that mean to you?  With the bonus credit (Southwest gives passengers "credits" rather than "miles" toward a free trip) for buying a flight on line, it took just four round-trips to earn a free ticket for many years when the web site extended double credits for booking on line.  More recently, Southwest diluted the offer to a single credit for booking on line.  That meant it took just over five flights to qualify for a free round-trip ticket.  But now, with no bonus for booking through www.southwest.com, it'll take eight round-trips to score a freebie.  There are still details to recommend Southwest's frequent flyer program.  And the main one is: As long as there's a seat on the plane when you want to redeem an award ticket, you're on.  The only part of Southwest's program I don't like: Your credits expire one year after you earn them if they're not used.  Having said all that, Southwest still offers one of the easiest web sites to use, with great fares, an increasing route structure, and a generally amiable army of employees.  Oh, and it's also profitable. 

Hertz Reduces Grace Period

Get that car back in time if you're renting from Hertz this summer and elsewhere abroad.  At many locations, Hertz extended a customary 59-minute grace period if you got your car back a little late.  (It's a practice Big Yellow still follows in the US, as of this writing.)  Overseas, that grace period has been reduced to 29 minutes now, so if you're a half-hour or more tardy in returning your car, you're going to get charged more money.